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in the past 3 days i…have been on 4 different planes in 4 different airports, had one major flight delay, stayed in chicago for 8 hours, made it to the midwest without shedding a tear but my eyes were constantly watery the entire 7 hours i was traveling home. i met tons of cousins, tons of friends, saw 2 people i absolutely love who now have twins, played designated driver and went to 3 completely different bars in indy, one of which was an irish pub that played country music, talked ministry with a pastor from the east coast, held many hands and got an infinite amount of hugs. i listened to too much country music, drove on country roads, took a photo in front of a shed that looked like a barn, got laughed at for being a city/beach girl who asked funny questions, watched people play corn hole, went to walmart to get french onion dip and beer for the post-funeral gathering, picked up a twang and got hit on once. i wore a black dress, walked into a room that was filled with so much life, celebrated an amazing woman, laughed at all of the stories people told, realized she had the biggest heart from the day she was born until the day she passed, saw a rainbow and said goodbye. i held a friend in a bar bathroom at 3 in the morning as we both cried and then would laugh hysterically when we’d move and the paper towel dispenser with the automatic sensor would go off, was in the middle of praying for us when our late friend’s brother barged in. yes, into the women’s bathroom at the bar at 3 in the morning.  i swore i was in some sort of movie. i broke down at 4:30 in the morning when i realized i was in the house she grew up in without her, when i saw her sweater in the corner and her photo on the funeral program. sat on the couch when i should’ve been getting ready to catch my flight and listened to her mother’s testimony, admired her strength and let her tell me more stories about her daughter and what her daughter would say about me. i read so many bible verses, listened to you hold me now and never let me go by hillsong united on repeat, held onto the promises, heard the comforting words and it all comes down to this…

we make it so complicated. we strive to live these lives, save the world, be prosperous, have great things, make a huge impact…not of which are bad at all. but yesterday i stood in a room filled with at least 300 people, all impacted, touched, moved by this 29 year old woman who simply loved, selflessly loved, always smiled, definted optimism, didn’t judge you and genuinely wanted to be your friend and who wanted to introduce you to more people so we could all be friends. we make it so complicated when all we really need to do is love more. she got it, she knew it and she lived it out loud.